I woke up feeling very anxious this morning. Dreading going into the office. I just wanted to stay in bed, wrapped in the quilt my mother made me, and sleep. Sleep all the way to Wednesday.
Except it wasn’t going into the office that had me jittery. Or the work waiting for me (despite writing so much, so often, publicly, I still get nervous when I know someone is actually going to be reading and commenting). Or that it’s Monday. My nerves are all about tomorrow.
Tomorrow I play my first Vancouver Dodgeball League game.
And it’s not the game that has me all jittery. It’d dodgeball. The rules are the same as grade school, except we’re all considerably older now and can obviously throw with more force. What has me on edge is that this will be the first thing I’ve done on my own.
Let me repeat that: This is the first thing I will be doing on my own.
Basketball, softball, I knew on person on the team. A workmate. I had an “in” as it were, someone to meet at the venue or catch a ride from the office to the game. Someone to introduce me around, and ease the anxiety that comes with meeting people for the first time. That’s quite helpful when you’re in a new city. I went to events and played beach volleyball and basketball teams with Chicago Sport and Social where I knew no one. We all signed up as individuals and thus formed a team. And it was fun! I already knew the city, though, knew how to get places so it was just a matter of sucking it up and showing up. There were fewer variables to throw a wrench in the works.
With dodgeball, I signed up of my own accord by answering a call on the #fb page from a team looking for another player. Like Chicago Sport and Social, I know none of my teammates, but I also don’t know any of the venues. Most seem accessible via public transit, but I also don’t know the areas around the venues. Granted it’s Vancouver, but city smarts acquired while living in Chicago are still strong, and caution against being in unknown neighborhoods with unknown people in a now somewhat unknown city. Can’t help it. I also have an overactive imagination.
So I’m terrified. More of having to meet new people without a warm introduction from a workmate than venturing into unfamiliar neighborhoods.
I’m also excited.
It’s something new, and an important step into making the most of being here. I can’t rely on workmates all the time, and having some separation of social circles is key to building a support network. Ready or not, it’s time to break out of the workmate social bubble, and venture into the wider Vancouver social stream.
And we won’t mention how many years it has been since I’ve played dodgeball. Thankfully, a number of others are in the same boat!