I find myself particularly agitated today.
The sun is out, the weather is unseasonably warm for Chicago this time of year and, for the life of me, I can’t put my finger on why I’m so agitated today. Well, other than doing my taxes. I’d expect that to make me grumpy, though, not agitated.
I’ve been running three days in a row, so it’s not due to a lack of exercise. And running has been rather good, and a little easier than I expected. I haven’t gotten much running in since moving, though it seems what running I have done on mountainous terrain has made running the prairie hills joyful and easy. And since there are no mountains to look at, I’m not prone to veering off course and taking a bit of a tumble.
Being home is a change. It’s not exactly restful, there’s so much to do, but it has been nice to see family. My nephews and niece are getting so big! And Little Man has made such strides. It’s incredible, really. He’s speaking in full sentences, his own sentences, instead of repeating them from kids TV shows. He’s asking questions, and he still remembers squirrel!
And I’ve been reminded of what a wonderfully strong network I have here at home. Everyone wants to meetup, grab coffee and just shoot the breeze. In some respects, it’s like I never left. I’ve caught myself reconsidering, more than once, this whole move.
Do I really want to give up all that I’ve established and start again?
The easy answer is no.
I’m not one to do things the easy way, though. Not much learning involved in the easy routes.
So why am I so agitated?
One thought that comes to mind is boredom. And boredom comes from a lack of challenges. Those challenges, or lack there of, are generally work related. And being limited by a NAFTA visa, well, boredom is only a matter of time. I figured this would be a struggle for me. I generally don’t do well in such confined job descriptions, but it’s a necessary evil, as it were, to make this happen.
And you know, boredom this time around may not be such a bad thing. Boredom, in fact, may not be the correct term. Content might be more appropriate.
I’m, dare I say it, comfortable, in work. Being employed. The anxieties of freelancing and consulting are gone. They’ve been replaced by anxieties of starting from scratch, and building a network all over again.
And there in lies the challenge. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’m supposed to be doing this, I’m supposed to be heading in this direction. And this move has caused me to pull out the magnifying glass and look at all the microscopic details. It’s rather amazing what you collect over the years, what you thought you couldn’t live without and what you decided to toss.
I have a vision in my head, it’s still a little fuzzy, but a vision none-the-less of what my apartment, and my life, can be like in Vancouver. I happen to like it, despite its fuzziness.
So perhaps this is that “one step forward, two steps back” phase. Agitation due to boredom usually gives way to a desire to do something else. But being content at work messes up the typical routine, and in the process, opens up agitation of another sort and the desire to do something else of a more personal nature.
Or perhaps I just need to blog as often as I run.