Apparently I haven’t adjusted to the time change yet. I woke up at 3am again today and, as pretty every Friday for the past three years, my first thought was “Yay! It’s Family Pizza Night!”
Except I won’t be there.
Now, I’ve missed Family Pizza Night before. My road trip in 2009. Conferences. Not a big deal because I would be there the following week. It was a consistent part of my week, and during some rather dark ones, something I looked forward to. It’s hard not to crack a smile around a 2 year old, 4 year old and 6 year old.
So this morning, I woke up excited at 3am, looked around and that pretty much killed the excitement. I wasn’t at home. No Family Pizza Night awaited me at the end of the day.
I know this was coming, of course. But as I’ve found throughout this whole process, knowing and experiencing are not the same thing. The tears welled up (and they’re doing it again as I write this!) and the thought was depressing. My family has always been supportive, albeit opinionated, but supportive. And being so close to my nephews and niece was such a joy. Chasing Little Man around, playing Tickle Monster, sitting and watching The Wonder Pets or Trashy Town or Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom. Looking back, at a time when there was a lot of uncertainty and instability, Family Pizza Night was my rock.
On some level, when the move was imminent, I knew the first few Fridays would be hard. And part of the reason I haven’t changed my laptop clock to Pacific Time is so that I can glance at it and think of what my family might be doing. And right now, they’re gathering for Family Pizza Night. I’m at the office, in the middle of a work day. We’ll probably Skype and say hello, and I’m sure my absence is felt there, too.
I’m going to have to find a way to overcome this, I just haven’t found out what that will be yet. Granted it’s only the first week, and hopefully it will be the most pain full. Meaning that next week should be a little easier, and a little easier again the following week until, gradually, I’ve found my own life in the absence of Family Pizza Night.