Acting over Expectation Results in a Fluke. Maybe.

  • SumoMe

StoryStudio has these "In a Year" classes, and I have been selected to be part of its Memoir in a Year class.

Truth be told, I'm still shocked.

It being a memoir class, I chose a piece that started from a different StoryStudio course, 4 Ways to a True Story. The premise of that class was to pick an event, and write about it in 4 different ways, like in minute detail, with a strong sense of place, from the perspective someone else at the even (if not directly involved), that kind of thing. Remembering my public snubbing in four different ways, one of which required inhabiting the mind of a former boss, was challenging and enlightening. Somewhere in the back of my head, it has been repeated that the stark contrast between the horrible treatment at work v. the joy and acceptance outside of work was necessary. The four essays brought some clarity, illuminated subtleties I missed in the moment and introduced some new patterns. I continued to work on them, molding them into a more cohesive piece, 10 pages of which I submitted.

I submitted to complete the act of submitting something to somewhere. Read anything written by a writer about "process" and there is always discussion about submitting work and being able to wallpaper cathedrals with the rejection letters. A debate raged in my head, the piece wasn't ready, not good enough, no one will get it, etc. etc. Argument made with evidence that most judges would throw out or consider inadmissible. There was no logical reason not to submit either, which left fear in the driver's seat. That doesn't work.

Emotions lie, data does not. Except I don't have data points for this, which means I must start collecting. First point: submit. Done.

I will swear it is a fluke. I will react appropriately in public while privately demanding the full story from whomever is in charge. For reasons I don't know, of 20 submissions from which 12 were chosen, I was selected.

A fluke. The result of an act. An act to create a new data set to analyze with in the context of what I have absorbed and understand to be the process.

I can picture people trying to reach through the computer screen to strangle me, pulling out their hair in frustration and firing off an email saying "told you so!" or at least it will be read that way. They were more congratulatory and encouraging.

I don't know what this means. I don't know what will happen. I only have two data points: submission, and selection. Not much to tell from two, so will see what happens in the coming months.